Virtual Marriage Counseling

MarriageCounselingAlt.com

Greetings!  My name is Dr. Ken Newberger.  With a Ph.D. in Conflict Analysis & Resolution, I provide an effective cutting-edge alternative to traditional marriage counseling.  After working with over 500 couples in-office, I now help couples wherever they are situated via live, face-to-face, virtual meetings.  Research indicates that there is no significant difference between in-person and virtual couples counseling in terms of both client satifisfaction and effectiveness.

My Work with Couples:

1.  uses sophisticated diagnostic tools for accuracy
2.  addresses core issues, not just surface ones
3.  focuses on reconciliation, not treatment
4.  is goal & action-oriented, not just talk
5.  provides concrete steps to rebuild your marriage
6.  offers hope
👪  Have children at home?  See bottom of page.
Click to View Step-by-Step Process

Pulling Back the Curtain
on
Traditional Couple's Counseling

My model represents a huge contrast to conventional marriage counseling where the "therapy hour" typically lasts only 45-50 minutes.  One psychologist who works with couples described his time between clients this way:
"During that 10 minutes, I furiously write down notes of the previous session while they are fresh... I then put the file back into my file drawer and prepare the next file for the upcoming session. I also read the notes from the previous session so that I may refresh my memory about issues we are working on ...  I also straighten up the office from the previous session, remove trash and paperwork, get a bottle of fresh water for my upcoming client, and put the space back to a starting position. But, that isn't all!  This 10 minutes is also the only time I have to use the restroom, have a quick bite to eat, and/or return phone calls, emails, or texts."
I don't think that this frenzied few minutes between sessions serves the needs of anyone.  It's certainly not how I work with couples.  My approach also differs from the California therapist who said, "45- or 50-minute sessions allow therapists to offer a fresh perspective and remain objective without getting too immersed  in a client’s life" (italics added).  Huh?

Marching to a Different Drummer

In Phase 3 of my process:
drum   My clients receive more free time than most any couples counselor.  I typically spend an hour or more, not just 10 minutes, to prepare for your upcoming session.
drum   My session hour means a full 60 minutes, not a deflated 45-50 minute "therapy hour."
drum   After the session, I may email you a summary of the action items we discussed, along with any relevant attachments to help you stay focused until we meet again.
Digging Deeper

Traditional Marriage Counseling

vs.
Dr. Newberger's Framework

You May Be Surprised to Learn that in a survey of marriage therapists, over 60 percent said they were neutral about whether a couple stays married or gets divorced. Only one-third agreed with the statement, "I am committed to preserving marriage and avoiding divorce whenever possible."  Take the case of Stephanie and Max. They were seeking help to heal their strained relationship. Stephanie reveals, "We were looking for someone to work with us on a specific plan for our marriage. Instead, we got a totally neutral counselor who didn't seem to care whether or not our marriage survived. We weren't neutral about wanting to save our marriage, he was."

Clinical psychologist Willard F. Harley, Jr. noted, "People who seek help from marriage counselors usually assume that the goal of therapy is saving the marriage. Unfortunately, most marital therapists are specifically trained to be non-directive or neutral. They see themselves as someone couples can talk to, but not someone who will coach them into changes that will ultimately save their marriage." Yet evidence suggests that if marriage counseling does not incorporate the goal of relationship improvement, the likelihood of divorce increases.

Finding the Most Effective Professional.  To find the right couples counselor, ask about their philosophy and approach before committing to their process. What role does this person intend to play? Is the marriage therapist goal-oriented? Is the couple's counselor willing to fight for your relationship? Do they look to reveal core issues and not just the surface conflict arising from them? Is a couple’s reconciliation at the heart of what they do? Author Jim Kinnison notes, "Simply being licensed by a government is no guarantee marriage counselors have any wisdom or ability to help correct any but the most superficial problems in a relationship."

Marriage counselor Michele Weiner-Davis, therefore, advises, "Put a great deal of effort into finding a therapist who will support both you and your marriage." Marriage counselor and infidelity expert Dr. Shirley Glass advises those already seeing a professional, "If your therapist just sits back and watches your exchanges without providing any structure or direction, it may be time for a change."

The lesson to be learned here is that if there is no explicit goal of rebuilding the relationship at the beginning of the process, disappointment will likely be experienced at the end. Such was the case for Stephanie and Max. They ended up getting divorced.

An Approach that Works.  I distinguish myself from conventional marriage therapists and mental health counselors. At the core, I am a conflict resolution specialist who proactively helps couples enjoy a deeper level of peace and harmony with each other. As the architect of the "Reconciliation Model of Peacemaking," I use a mediatorial framework that is not about assigning psychiatric labels or developing "treatment" plans. It is about getting to know who you are as a whole person, understanding your perspective, addressing your core issues as a couple, and fostering reconnection. In a sense, the relationship is my client. Whatever is best for the relationship is what I promote.

Regarding my approach, one unsolicited observer seeking couples counseling wrote: "We went to a therapist yesterday. However, she didn't offer anything constructive for us to do in order to better our relationship. She stated the obvious. That was why when I saw your plan it was refreshing since it has actual steps for a couple to take.

Added Bonus. Psychologist and family therapist, Cloe Madanes, wrote about an often-forgotten truth. "Through the ages we have known about the importance of having a mentor, guide, or teacher in order to succeed... The same applies to relationships." Her advice? "If you want to have a happy, successful relationship, model yourself on those who do."  Being happily married to Mary for 49 years, I will share personal insights along the way intended to help the two of you experience the same kind of beautiful relationship we have long enjoyed.

If You Have Children at Home
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