Can You Relate?

My Husband Has a Drinking Problem Early in our relationship my husband had his moments. He had become angry. He would slam doors. He would yell. I used to wonder if these outbursts were related to alcohol but did not know for sure since they were not a regular occurrence even though his drinking was. He has cut down on his drinking since those days, but not completely.
More recently, my husband really scared me. His anger came out of the blue. I was sharing with him about an issue related to my job. I asked for his opinion on what I should do. He then exploded.
In an instant, he went from calm to being beet-red in the face. It went from relaxing on the couch together, enjoying wine and watching television, to his standing up and screaming down at me. He was so loud he woke up our toddler. The more I asked my husband to calm down, the more agitated he became. When I walked away, he followed after. The scene lasted about a half hour, but it seemed like an eternity. My heart was pounding.
To say that I was shocked by his display is an understatement. This incident deeply affected me because I had grown up with a father who was verbally abusive to my mother. My husband’s actions brought back bad memories and emotions. I resolved that I would never tolerate such behavior in my own marriage and yet it just happened. I began looking at my husband in a new, unflattering light. Would our marriage last?
The next day, when my husband was his normal self, I told him how I felt about what transpired. He knew that his behavior was outlandish. He was contrite and remorseful. He said it wouldn’t happen again. I didn’t really believe him.
It is Up to Him
Three weeks after that incident, a month ago, on a Saturday afternoon, my husband said something that sounded paranoid. Calmly I told him that it was an odd thing to say. He was not offended by my comment. He mentioned that he drank beer with the guys after their round of golf.
Later that evening he told me that he was finished with alcohol for good. He didn’t know if he was an alcoholic. He did acknowledge that alcohol sometimes caused him to have bad thoughts and lose control. He said that he didn't want to hurt me or risk losing the family.
Time will tell if my husband stays true to his word. If he does, our future looks bright. If he doesn't, I dread what might happen to our family.
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If you are struggling with this issue in your marriage or an entirely different one, view my process for helping couples rebuild their marriages. Go to: www.MarriageCounselingAlt.com/couples.htm. Then phone me, Dr. Ken Newberger, to discuss your situation without charge. Call 239-689-4266.