Communication in Marriage Naples - Fort Myers
Learn How to Lovingly Communicate with Your Spouse
A Component of the Reconciliation ProcessParaphrase What You Heard
- Act As If You are a Mirror.
Mirrors don't argue. They reflect. In like manner, use your own words to reflect back what your spouse just said to you. There should be two parts to this reflection. Include (a) the content of what was stated, as well as, (b) the emotion with which it was conveyed. The following phrases can help you become a more reflective listener.What I hear you saying is...
The emotion you are feeling is ... - Then Check to See If Your Reflection is Correct.
After you have acted like a mirror, make sure you provided an accurate reflection.
Ask questions such as:“Is this correct?”
“Am I accurately understanding you?”
“Am I getting how you feel??- If Your Reflection is Incorrect...
If your spouse answers “no” to any of the above questions, ask him/her what part you missed. Then reflect back to your spouse that part. Ask the above questions again until s/he says, “yes.”
Watch These Two Examples View "Wish List" Worksheet Couples are UsingAn Engaged Couple with Good Listening Skills
Watch the first 6 minutes.
Video produced by Prepare/Enrich.A Conflicted Married Couple Struggling with Listening
Start video at 1:08 minute mark. Click photo to begin.
Watch first 8¼ minutes.
Hit back button to return to this page.
This video was produced by Prepare/Enrich.Dig Deeper
- Ask a Follow-Up Question.
Once you “get it,” probe a little further about what your partner said. Ask at least one follow-up question to learn more of your spouse's thoughts, experience, or feelings. This does not mean that you have to agree with what your spouse is saying. It simply means you are willing to understand it. This will not only slow down the pace of the dialogue, but increase understanding between you. For example, you can probe for:
More information:
"Tell me more about . . ."
Specifics:
"Can you give me an example?"
Meaning:
"What does this mean to you?"
Emotions:
"Can you share more about your feelings?"Drawing your spouse out is a very effective way of learning your spouse’s deepest thoughts and feelings. Your spouse will likely open up even more to you as s/he feels understood.
The Crown Jewel
- Explain Why What Your Spouse Says Makes Sense to Him/Her.
This represents communication’s crown jewel. It goes beyond just reflecting to your mate that you understood what s/he just said. Now you are demonstrating that you understand the larger perspective of your spouse within which the statement was made. In other words, you’ve stepped into your spouse's shoes and seen the world from their eyes. You don't have to agree with that viewpoint, only demonstrate that you understand it. If you both do this, you will both feel known, which, in turn, will cause the two of you to connect even more.
Learn How to Lovingly
Communicate with Your Mate
Are you having communication issues in your marriage? Dr. Newberger serves couples residing in Naples, Fort Myers, Bonita Springs, Estero, and Cape Coral who are having difficulty connecting with each other. How often have you said that "my husband doesn't understand me?" or, "my wife has no clue as to who I am deep down?" One spouse noted, "my biggest marital issue is how I communicate with my mate (or more accurately, don’t communicate). The fact is we are unable to work through virtually any issue." Dr. Newberger can help. He offers couples a cutting-edge alternative to traditional marriage counseling that helps couples bond and find peace. Call today for to discuss your situation for free. (239) 689-4266.
Paraphrase What You Heard
- Act As If You are a Mirror.
Mirrors don't argue. They reflect. In like manner, use your own words to reflect back what your spouse just said to you. There should be two parts to this reflection. Include (a) the content of what was stated, as well as, (b) the emotion with which it was conveyed. The following phrases can help you become a more reflective listener.What I hear you saying is...
The emotion you are feeling is ... - Then Check to See If Your Reflection is Correct.
After you have acted like a mirror, make sure you provided an accurate reflection.Ask questions such as:“Is this correct?”
“Am I accurately understanding you?”
“Am I getting how you feel??- If Your Reflection is Incorrect...
If your spouse answers “no” to any of the above questions, ask him/her what part you missed. Then reflect back to your spouse that part. Ask the above questions again until s/he says, “yes.” - If Your Reflection is Incorrect...
Watch These Two Examples View "Wish List" Worksheet Couples are UsingAn Engaged Couple with Good Listening Skills
Watch the first 6 minutes.
Video produced by Prepare/Enrich.A Conflicted Married Couple Struggling with Listening
Start video at 1:08 minute mark. Click photo to begin.
Watch first 8¼ minutes.
Hit back button to return to this page.
This video was produced by Prepare/Enrich.Dig Deeper
- Ask a Follow-Up Question.
Once you “get it,” probe a little further about what your partner said. Ask at least one follow-up question to learn more of your spouse's thoughts, experience, or feelings. This does not mean that you have to agree with what your spouse is saying. It simply means you are willing to understand it. This will not only slow down the pace of the dialogue, but increase understanding between you. For example, you can probe for:
More information:
"Tell me more about . . ."
Specifics:
"Can you give me an example?"
Meaning:
"What does this mean to you?"
Emotions:
"Can you share more about your feelings?"Drawing your spouse out is a very effective way of learning your spouse’s deepest thoughts and feelings. Your spouse will likely open up even more to you as s/he feels understood.
The Crown Jewel
- Explain Why What Your Spouse Says Makes Sense to Him/Her.
This represents communication’s crown jewel. It goes beyond just reflecting to your mate that you understood what s/he just said. Now you are demonstrating that you understand the larger perspective of your spouse within which the statement was made. In other words, you’ve stepped into your spouse's shoes and seen the world from their eyes. You don't have to agree with that viewpoint, only demonstrate that you understand it. If you both do this, you will both feel known, which, in turn, will cause the two of you to connect even more.
Dig Deeper
- Ask a Follow-Up Question.
Once you “get it,” probe a little further about what your partner said. Ask at least one follow-up question to learn more of your spouse's thoughts, experience, or feelings. This does not mean that you have to agree with what your spouse is saying. It simply means you are willing to understand it. This will not only slow down the pace of the dialogue, but increase understanding between you. For example, you can probe for:More information:Drawing your spouse out is a very effective way of learning your spouse’s deepest thoughts and feelings. Your spouse will likely open up even more to you as s/he feels understood.
"Tell me more about . . ."
Specifics:
"Can you give me an example?"
Meaning:
"What does this mean to you?"
Emotions:
"Can you share more about your feelings?"
The Crown Jewel
- Explain Why What Your Spouse Says Makes Sense to Him/Her.
This represents communication’s crown jewel. It goes beyond just reflecting to your mate that you understood what s/he just said. Now you are demonstrating that you understand the larger perspective of your spouse within which the statement was made. In other words, you’ve stepped into your spouse's shoes and seen the world from their eyes. You don't have to agree with that viewpoint, only demonstrate that you understand it. If you both do this, you will both feel known, which, in turn, will cause the two of you to connect even more.
Learn How to Lovingly
Communicate with Your Mate